Saint and a sinner

Martin Luther once said "I'm a saint and a sinner".
I hadn't gone to church in a while, but school starts tomorrow, and now that I'm single, I just felt drawn to the therapeutic, familiar. On the way there though, this one guy kept bible-thumping in my subway car, talking about how 9/11 was the first sign of the end of the world, and wearing a shirt with fire and flames on it with Jesus written. Interestingly enough, he was on my subway car again on my way home, and it was funny to see even some of the people who'd been in the church with me, recoil away from him.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not being the perfect girlfriend, or the best friend, or daughter. But maybe it's feeling flawed now and then, that makes us appreciate the hope for something better?
I want to be better so much.
Tolstoy wrote a letter to a critic who said- how could Tolstoy be christian since he drank like a sailor and was a jerk. Tolstoy wrote that isn't it better to stumble down a path, swerving from side to side, than to not have a path set at all? And he questioned- is there a better alternate route?

From here on out, I'm going to stop thinking about relationships. Being friends is fine, but there's so much more to focus on... I feel like no one can be perfect, but I try so hard to do the right thing and still screw up. I need to not hurt people anymore and do something with my life that I can be really proud of.

It all comes out in the wash

I've been keeping busy workin as Student Orientation Coordinator again, for my last year at school. It's helped keep my mind off of stuff for the past week, and I'm really happy with how everything turned out this Welcome Weekend. All the OL's were so chill... and some freshmen too lol.

Ugh so I just need to sort this out on paper or on this computer so it makes more sense in my head. there's so much I want. The people I want to be around the most, can't or won't be around me like I want. and everything seems to far away. School's about to start, and I don't want time to keep turning so fast. It's too much. I want to do a lot, and be happy, and love and be loved.

Or just be independent and make myself bigger and better than I have been, and just be happy on my own. Maybe if I really get lonely I'll open myself up more to my friends and who knows... given time... everything works out in the end right?

GaRam and i broke up. He decided that it wasn't worth sacrificing his grades and stuff over stupid fights, and broke it off. please just pray for me if you can. I'm going to just focus on me, and work hard this coming year. Classes start next week!

Chandeliers

When your long day is over

And you can barely drag your feet

When the weight of the world is on your shoulders,

I know what you need, bring it on home to me

http://www.flickr.com/photos/willjoines/sets/72157620856381831/

My last week as an intern at HBO.. a group of us had to work together, and I made this pamphlet for our presentation!

After speaking english, korean, and french in films, I get to finally speak a little chinese in this new project!
Some of my family is coming to stay with me on Tuesday, for a week! So excited :)