houston weekend

My parents are so adorable, right??
The weekend was so nice once I finally arrived! I got to hang out with my family, meet my cousins for the first time, and eat my grandparents good food. Leaving tomorrow morning, to head back to HBO and NY.
Wish I could've hung out more with my friends, but it was such a short visit.. I really wish I could've seen Vivian especially, but she came back the day I left.. Next time! For I always return :)

grace.

For the past two days, I've been trying to get on a plane and come to TX. I was supposed to be in Houston this weekend to spend time with my immediate family, grandparents, and cousins (who I'm meeting for the first time).

Yesterday, I woke up 4 AM to try and get a standby flight, and was left waiting, for 11 hours, not being able to get on any of four flights. All day, I waited in the airport. My bag had broken on the way and so all the contents of my carry-on were stuffed in a trash bag. I'd taken the more expensive train to get there, but lost the ticket getting into the airport, and had to pay extra to get through (you're supposed to give someone that train ticket to get in). From 4 AM, I missed the 6 AM, the 11 AM, the 12:20, and the 3 pm flight. I went home, dejected, exhausted, stressed, and demoralized. My parents and brother still begged me to try and come the next morning, but I felt sick just thinking about having to spend another entire day at the airport to try and fly home.
The next day, today,, my dad surprised me by telling me he bought me a confirmed ticket so I wouldnt have to wait for standby again. So I came back, but to the wrong airport. Feeling like an idiot, I waited for a shuttle bus that was two hours late, the ATM and Taxi machine was broken so I couldn't hail a cab, or pay for it...
So I stood there. around 2 hours ago this was. I stood on the curb of Newark Airport, my once favorite place to fly from, that I had had always been able to get my first choice flight from before.
I felt so helpless. The flight my dad had booked me came and went. Nothing had been working out these two days, and no matter how responsible I tried to be, or capable, I couldn't do this on my own. Every circumstance had worked against me, I felt.
Suddenly, the man behind me, with his wife and kids behind him, asked me "Do you need anything?"
He ended up paying $100 to a cab driver, to take me to LaGuardia airport, where I am boarding right now, on a later flight.
Calling my dad to let him know, he told me, "you know, mommy and I were just praying for you."
I think sometimes we need to know and be reminded of how much is out of our hands. And I hope I can be more like Mr. Bowers someday (the wifes name was on my taxi receipt, donna bowers), to be so freely generous.

"There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down"

new york with my brother

My brother is in the city! I love hanging out with him and GaRam. I've just been spending time with my two favorite boys, and friends... working at HBO at school, keeping busy. Can't wait to see the rest of my family soon!
http://www.willjoines.com/
currently listening too:
"True Affection" the blow
"She Doesn't Live Here Anymore" jay jay johanson
"Marching Bands of Manhattan" by death cab for cutie... ("sorrow drips into your heart like a pinhole, just like a faucet that leaks, and there is comfort in the sound")

note to self: read more

I've been reading a lot lately. I'd forgotten how therapeutic it is, and how happy it makes me.
My new favorite book is "True Love" by Ivan Turgenev, it's such a beautiful little book, and I love stories about when this character first discovers love, and I think it makes me feel empowered when I read about women who don't love the main character back but flirt around. The first character like that who I really liked was Estella Havisham, when she's told to "break his heart" by one of the most frightening characters in literature, at least to me, her guardian Ms. Havisham. But this character in "True Love" was made so much more well-rounded because she does end up falling in love, just not with the right person. At one point, she says this "I am a flirt: I have no heart: I have an actor's nature."
"Give me your hand and I will stick a pin into it, and you will feel ashamed in front of this young man. And it will hurt you, and still you will be kind enough to laugh"
And still, of course, the man loves her forever. Even after he's old and she's dead (oops, spoiler).

Also I've been rereading "Ways of Seeing" by John Berger. This book is also on my top ten list now!

music video stills

Here are some pics from the music video! I really enjoyed working on this, and I think it's going to be amazing!!
more can be seen here at the directors website: http://willjoines.com/miraclestills.html

some photos