all i want is for things not to fade. they always do, but i always hang on the longest.

i don't like using my brain lately, and am usually sad. but I work hard. like a country song. like a fat old man singing that he could deserve you.

you pay the most attention to yourself, because you're the only one who's always been there.

People are never who you think they're going to be to you. They go in and out of your life like shadows. I think the reason why people are so selfish and the protagonists of their own story... it's because you're the only person who's always there. If caring is hours logged with a person, it makes sense.

I watched Persona finally and oh man Elizabeth Vogler.
Also started watching Twin Peaks (from the wiki:)

When Donna questions what it would be like to fall in space, if one would slow down after a while or go faster and faster, Laura replies "Faster and faster. And for a long time you wouldn't feel anything. And then you'd burst into fire. And the angels wouldn't help you because they've all gone away."

I watched Persona finally and am comparing myself to Elizabeth Vogler.
Also strated watching Twin Peaks and want to see the movie. (from the wiki:)

When Donna questions what it would be like to fall in space, if one would slow down after a while or go faster and faster, Laura replies "Faster and faster. And for a long time you wouldn't feel anything. And then you'd burst into fire. And the angels wouldn't help you because they've all gone away."

"And then she left a couple of days later to go out of town, and I wrote "Colorblind" at home, thinking about how badly I wanted to be pulled out of myself by somebody. Thinking that maybe I was ready for something different now" -Adam Duritz

i wonder if i'll ever get it right.
bought a bike today, from a guy named angel.

bones, sweat, pus, cat litter. (things about being at home that i dont like. and when it gets warmer out these things become more apparent)

design job, auditioning, and now I'm taking over my friends bartending job at red egg on centre st. need more hours in the week. but then i'd probably do things with the extra days anyway so it's no use.

my brother's coming to town april 10-14 and I'm so excited.

now i didnt like lana del ray because the first time i saw her was on the awkward bad snl appearance she did. but i heard 'blue jeans' this morning. and i like.

Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly

There were frozen chocolate banana slices for dessert today, on the table. I came upon one left on the plate, with my coworker jason right behind.
I said, "here, do you want the last one?"
He said "sure" and stuck out his hand
Very slowly, I picked it up, and almost gave it to him... and then licked it, so it was mine.
I apologized, it was all laughs, there was another bag in the fridge. but instinctively I think I might be a bully, if it weren't for having a conscience after.

planned obselescence

was a term we learned back in art school about companies in the U.S. like Apple who made products to intentionally degrade over time. quantity over quality, a company over the consumer's best interests, etc.
i was thinking of having it apply to more things in life though. like growing up. like the ending of adolescence.

the wise man knows he doesnt have all the answers.

happy st patrick's day

did you know they sell green bagels here, in the deli's, today?

I was working at the greeting card company and 1st dibs all week, working tomorrow all day too... woooot. i made this for breakfast tuesday. one of the best things about 1st dibs is the food.

started this for effie today. you should see the originals. im not a bragger, but...

a person had the most awesome youtube comment underneath this music video
http://youtu.be/kHL3Co5awW8
I see you leaning, you're bound to fall,
I don't want to be that mistake

this shirt i wore is supposed to say los angeles gun club but instead it says angel club.

bakery near my place i want to remember.
10th st and greenwich ave.
french jewish owners.

I post this song every year, during this time. I dont know why I remember it. it's perfect.
No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

why you cant love bad people. because they dont understand. so how could they appreciate it.

"So spake the Cherub; and his grave rebuke, Severe in youthful beauty, added grace Invincible: Abashed the Devil stood, and felt how awful goodness is, and saw Virtue in her shape how lovely; saw, and pined His loss" (The Crow, but really miltons paradise lost)

Effie's Band photoshoot

Watched the Bill Cunningham documentary, read a little bit, looked up bikes to get. I'm thinkin a schwinn.
Had fun at Shangri-la studios in greenpoint bk. Pnkyswr. nice space. the tripod.
I really miss my brother lately. I gotta go to London and he has to come here, soon. where a bunk bed is always here for him.

hook up or hang out but do not do both unless the person loves you.
job fills your needs, and spend the rest of the time the way you want too.
lately i do exactly what i like. eat what i want. get respect.
it's good.

On Need.

(The title Ask the Dust derives from Knut Hamsun's novel Pan from 1894, in which Lt. Glahn tells the story about the Girl in the tower:)

"The other one he loved like a slave, like a crazed and like a beggar. Why? Ask the dust on the road and the falling leaves, ask the mysterious God of life; for no one knows such things. She gave him nothing, no nothing did she give him and yet he thanked her. She said: Give me your peace and your reason! And he was only sorry she did not ask for his life."

(wiki) Why are good books like this. History of Love, Norwegian Wood.

i started a painting. really like essex street market (essex n delancey). and sweet leaf, a coffee place near effie and ps1 moma.


On need.




“And if the man who once upon a time had been a boy who promised he'd never fall in love with another girl as long as he lived kept his promise, it wasn't because he was stubborn or even loyal. He couldn't help it.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love