Martin Luther once said "I'm a saint and a sinner".
I hadn't gone to church in a while, but school starts tomorrow, and now that I'm single, I just felt drawn to the therapeutic, familiar. On the way there though, this one guy kept bible-thumping in my subway car, talking about how 9/11 was the first sign of the end of the world, and wearing a shirt with fire and flames on it with Jesus written. Interestingly enough, he was on my subway car again on my way home, and it was funny to see even some of the people who'd been in the church with me, recoil away from him.
Sometimes I feel guilty for not being the perfect girlfriend, or the best friend, or daughter. But maybe it's feeling flawed now and then, that makes us appreciate the hope for something better?
I want to be better so much.
Tolstoy wrote a letter to a critic who said- how could Tolstoy be christian since he drank like a sailor and was a jerk. Tolstoy wrote that isn't it better to stumble down a path, swerving from side to side, than to not have a path set at all? And he questioned- is there a better alternate route?
From here on out, I'm going to stop thinking about relationships. Being friends is fine, but there's so much more to focus on... I feel like no one can be perfect, but I try so hard to do the right thing and still screw up. I need to not hurt people anymore and do something with my life that I can be really proud of.
