On Need.

(The title Ask the Dust derives from Knut Hamsun's novel Pan from 1894, in which Lt. Glahn tells the story about the Girl in the tower:)

"The other one he loved like a slave, like a crazed and like a beggar. Why? Ask the dust on the road and the falling leaves, ask the mysterious God of life; for no one knows such things. She gave him nothing, no nothing did she give him and yet he thanked her. She said: Give me your peace and your reason! And he was only sorry she did not ask for his life."

(wiki) Why are good books like this. History of Love, Norwegian Wood.

i started a painting. really like essex street market (essex n delancey). and sweet leaf, a coffee place near effie and ps1 moma.


On need.




“And if the man who once upon a time had been a boy who promised he'd never fall in love with another girl as long as he lived kept his promise, it wasn't because he was stubborn or even loyal. He couldn't help it.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

180. When I heard the Learn'd Astronomer

WHEN I heard the learn’d astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.

Today I spent the afternoon at shirleys and went to this awesome fish and then organic veggie farmers market nearby. got red chili peppers for $1.50 and some pasta and potatos. Then met jenny and went to chinatown (it was snowing!) and got some beef and chicken, snacks, vegetables. then went to my old friend katha's in brooklyn and heard some nice classical music played by other young people, and... now i'm going to sleep.


Yesterday I saw shirley, went to an improv practice session at ucb, saw Jenny at eoc, went to see the Kris Bowers trio at Living Room.. Julia Easterlin was performing with them... so good. then went dancing.

my friend jenny was asking me this morning, about a quote she'd seen about treating people the way they should in turn act.
i think we do ask people to fit into already preset roles and expectations, instead of who they might really be. but there's a reason we have those needs, specifically, and given to us since we were perhaps children. because without people acting a certain way, that's good for us, it could hurt us, and possibly has.
last night, was feeling down. went to the theatre, then dinner with wynton jenny and mark mckinnon from freshman year.

when i was younger. http://youtu.be/CGhy7gzJgDo

I dreamed I'm at mikes door about to go in hes in front and keeps looking around like he's checking for something I ask do u have mice he murmurs something And turns around his head is a giant snake and his mouth is all stretched out with the fangs out about to eat me.

last night i went to this swing dance valentines thing at bogardus mansion, then tribeca grand to hang out with jenny and effie.

me: oh, i dunno if i told you, but garam's engaged
2:04 PM been a little sad about it
Emily: really?
so fast!
me: yea...
Emily: seriously?
me: thats what ive been telling all my friends. Im not jealous, just sad, and it seems fast
Emily: huh
but in any case kudos for being strong about it
me: thanks
yea just tryng to stay busy
went to some events last night, got pictures taken looking really happy
ironic really
2:07 PM Emily: nah i get that