i'm happy. there's a time for everything i think.
sometimes you'll get it and sometimes you won't. both times, you have to be okay.
"Sometimes you will find it and other times you won't find it and the times you don't find it are the times when you have got to be careful. Those are the times when you have got to remember that other times you will find it, not this time but the next time, or the time after that, and then you've got to be able to go home without it" tenessee williams

rehearsing the new film, gonna cut all my hair off. start shooting in a week.
according to my aura photo i need to do more and think less, so the red grows brighter and the blue grows dimmer. balance.

my aura photo

http://www.villagevoice.com/bestof/2010/award/best-aura-reading-2167711/

Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning, and I find myself careening...
She has the power to go where no one else can find me,
yes and to silently remind me,
of the happiness and good times that I know.
But I said I've just got to know that...
It isn't what she's got to say,
or how she thinks or where she's been.
To me the words are nice the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way,
it doesn't much matter what they mean.
Well she says them mostly just to calm me down.

And I feel fine any time she's around me now,
she's around me now,
almost all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell that she's been with me now, she's been with me now,
quite a long, long time.
Yes and I feel fine.

Life so far as been like different tableaux, pictures presented one after the other, some i dont expect, often ones that you wouldnt think would go together. but we only know what we've been told, and are presented with. I look for similarities in the colors and feel of them, trying to find links in the situations and people. And all I'm sure of is one day the pictures will stop.

good month so far.

i turned 24, i'm shooting a lead role in 'ninastiko' soon; i'll be playing a boy and i'm really excited to fly to chicago and montana for it. and i'm visiting LA with a friend.

twenty four

excerpts from an email to a friend

i think i'm learning lately, the value of time. when i was a kid i always thought it was slipping away. after graduation i wanted all the dating and stuff i'd missed out on in college. like an unguided missile, is how my thesis teacher put it. now its been a few years. keeping a steady job and friends... vacations... no phone... gardening.. reading.. i just wanna give everything time and love. like these stupid plants in my window lol they wont grow faster just cuz i want them too. i bought miracle gro. but nature's still what it is.

I've been thinking on this memory. A friend brought me with her parents to climb Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire. We ate the most delicious apricots in the car. When I think of a forest, I always think of that. I remember how amazing everything smelled, the mulch, the rain.
Emerson wrote:

“Monadnock is a mountain strong,
Tall and good my kind among;
But well I know, no mountain can,
Zion or Meru, measure with man.	85
For it is on zodiacs writ,
Adamant is soft to wit:
And when the greater comes again
With my secret in his brain,
I shall pass, as glides my shadow	90
Daily over hill and meadow.

For a 1stdibs.com editorial next week. I think it's cool that my design job wanted a photo, and i got to wear the hoodie my mom gave me. Last month I wore her old purse to Tribeca Film Fest. lol. this photo looks like a painting I did for someone once.

Now its Saturday night. I keep watching this on repeat, even though it was just released tonight. Kind of creates its own world that isnt just black or white or thai or indian... (or chinese)