old felicity episodes. janeane garofalo says "is it easier to count on someone. or be the person being counted on"

my desk

"The Cider House Rules"

I was reading "The Cider House Rules" description on wiki, and what I do not want is the wiki description of the book about how Wilbur, before falling in love with someone else's woman for 15 years, had a 'relationship of circumstance' with a girl at the orphanage growing up.

I love the part in the movie when they burn the rules. The same scene applies to so much outside the movie. The 'rules' are written by people who don't live in the Cider House.

my thoughts from this weekend

Love wouldn't be precious, if it worked out for everyone.
Walking through NY lately reminds me of my affinity for swinging as a child. That feeling of being pushed through the crisp air, to somewhere better. Everyone beside you doing the same thing.

Stories I've been telling my friends lately.
1) Shirley and I were walking through a deli near Columbus Circle. A woman walks by, talking to her dog, a little yappy thing that looks up to me with crazy eyes. "Remember that turkey I got you here? Didn't you like that?"
I quietly mention it. The woman walks by us again, says "Those asians. Never say anything". Shirley expresses her disbelief. I say that I'm honored to have been part of her dialogue with her dog, I just wish it wasn't inaccurate (the asian was saying something- about her) and borderline racist.
2) Daffy's was closing, so I bought a box of random office supplies, fingertip moistener padss, counterfeit detector pens, etc. for $4.
3) A dress store in Chelsea was moving, so I bought a mannequin for $8. The owner asked if it was because I was an art student. I say, well I went to art school. But for graphic design. I just wanted the mannequin, to dress my next days outfit up.
4) There are often neighborhood tours in the west village where I live. But yesterday, a group of people, were led by own overzealous guide, to lift up a pothole in the sidewalk, and stare into it. I stopped my walk home for a second, to listen to them talk about the waterbugs.

if someone would ask me what my life is like right now.
i'd say im focusing on my work and friends.

starting to drink coffee black. 

that part in 'shame' when brandon's outside the hospital in the rain

'tropic of capricorn' henry miller quotes

http://www.1stdibs.com/furniture_item_detail.php?id=683154 

"In this age, which believes that there is a short-cut to everything, the greatest lesson to be learned is that the most difficult way, in the long run, is the easiest."

“Things happen or they don't happen, that's all. Nothing is accomplished by sweat and struggle. Nearly everything which we call life is just insomnia, an agony because we've lost the habit of falling asleep. We don't know how to let go. We're like a Jack-in-the-box perched on top of a spring and the more we struggle the harder it is to get back in the box.”

“I am thinking of one woman and the rest is blotto. I say I am thinking of her, but the truth is I am dying a stellar death. I am lying there like a sick star waiting for the light to go out.
Years ago I lay on this same bed and I waited and waited to be born. Nothing happened. Except that my mother, in her Lutheran rage, threw a bucket of water over me. My mother, poor imbecile that she was, thought I was lazy.
She didn't know that I had gotten caught in the stellar drift, that I was being pulverized to a black extinction out there in the farthest rim of the universe.”

"Many is the mirage I chased. Always I was overreaching myself. The oftener I touched reality, the harder I bounced back to the world of illusion, which is the name for everyday life. 'Experience! More experience!' I clamored. In a frantic effort to arrive at some kind of order, some tentative working program, I would sit down quietly now and then and spend long, long hours mapping out a plan of procedure. Plans, such as architects and engineers sweat over, were never my forte. But I could always visualize my dreams in a cosmogonic pattern. Though I could never formulate a plot I could balance and weigh opposing forces, characters, situations, events, distribute them in a sort of heavenly lay-out, always with plenty of space between, always with the certitude that there is no end, only worlds within worlds ad infinitum, and that wherever one left off one had created a world, a world finite, total, complete."

"Let me hear you promise again all those sunny things you carry inside you. Let me try to believe for one day, while I rest in the open, that the sun brings good tidings. Let me rot in splendor while the sun bursts in your womb. I believe all your lies implicitly. I take you as the personification of evil, as the destroyer of the soul, as the maharanee of the night. Tack your womb up on my wall, so that I may remember you. We must get going. Tomorrow, tomorrow.."

"I'm a nice guy, but sometimes I lose all my senses and become nasty. Doesn't make me evil, just confused." -Charles Bronson

Hamptons/ LA/ Chicago

   Spent a week at Brookhaven National Laboratory, and when off-set not filming, at a beach house in the Hamptons. Bonded with the cast and crew.
   I went to LA for a week and hung out with my high school friends. Gloria for the weekend in Culver City, where she's workin at Tom's Shoes, kicking ass. We went sailing, to the farmer's market, some nice restaurants (esp Galbi King) Vivian who I stayed with at a hotel on Manhattan Beach and lay out. Niall came out too, saw his family's house in San Diego.
   Was in town for a night, then in Chicago for another week of filming. Really beautiful mansion we stayed at. Pool, hot tub, steam room. The Ferm National Accelerator Lab was bigger than Brookhaven, there were bison, egrets, lots of nature. Walked through fields.

LA PICS:

CHICAGO PICS:

Glad to be back in New York. feeling like the world is so open to me. But also, to see the cat and my neighbor, the bar and design job again.

 Oh you got a fire and it's burning in the rain
Thought that it went out, but it's burning just the same 
And you don't look back, not for anything
'Cause if you love someone, you love them all the same