I was thinking earlier today that love is like food allergies. You're body has too much, overreacts and you can't have any more for a while. Maybe down the road you'll be able to eat it again, but not right now.
So, like any other girl with 'food allergies' of my age in the city, I could get a gay best friend, or fall into a new job paying lots of attention to someone elses' life to not dwell on my own.
Shooting a commercial for General Electric's Green Initiative tomorrow.

Joe Black: I don't care Bill. I love her.
William Parrish: How perfect for you - to take whatever you want because it pleases you. That's not love.
Joe Black: Then what is it?
William Parrish: Some aimless infatuation which, for the moment, you feel like indulging - it's missing everything that matters.
Joe Black: Which is what?
William Parrish: Trust, responsibility, taking the weight for your choices and feelings, and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love.
Joe Black: So that's what love is according to William Parrish?
William Parrish: Multiply it by infinity, and take it to the depth of forever, and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I'm talking about.
Joe Black: Those were my words.
William Parrish: They're mine now.

"Heads we will, Tails we'll try again"

Was walking down the street this morning (when I do most of my thinking lately) when I thought of Tyler Durden from Fight Club, one of my favorite characters in a movie, and how he was so fascinating to me because for most of the story he doesn't know who he really is- the 'everyman' who has a dead end job and girl troubles, or the Brad Pitt alter ego, capable of causing a violent phenomenon throughout the country. And I started wondering, why do I keep thinking my actions have any consequence, what if I'm just another 'everyman'? Got my donut and coffee and after my inner monologue- sat in Dunkin Donuts wondering if I should even go to my morning audition. I kept thinking, 'what's the point? why am I even an actor if it's so hard?'. Lately my friends and family have been encouraging me- but what if I don't book anything for the next few months, would you still believe in me?
Was walking down the street this morning (when I do most of my thinking lately) when I thought of Tyler Durden from Fight Club, one of my favorite characters in a movie, and how he was sI worked at a laundromat when I was 15, in a place with no computer, lugging huge piles of laundry, picking through dirty shirts to check for pens and pins, for minimum wage. I saved up that money to help pay for part of boarding school costs that my scholarship didn't cover. But people from home only know that I left texas and went to some fancy art school- they don't know how desperately I wanted to leave and how I worked to audition and get in, and how it was to be away from home so young. And I feel that same difference now.
Getting back on track though, about this morning's audition, or the aftermath. Leaving the Equity building, I was walking by St. Mary's church, and looked inside the entrance into the sanctuary.
Now, growing up I loved the inside of churches. Even when I was lost and on my own in high school, and didn't know what I believed in religion-wise (I wanted to find out for myself, and not just because my parents believed something)- I would just sit and breathe easier inside a church. I used to read about criminals and people escaping the law, who would 'claim sanctuary' in churches and they were safe until they stepped onto the street again (Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame anyone?). So anyway I walked in and sat in one of the back pews, one of the only people in there except for a few homeless guys, and a young couple. I started really praying, wanting only to get some peace. I try so hard to not worry about my life, because I do believe I'm watched over. But it's so frustrating sometimes. I'm waiting for a good, steady career, and the same in a relationship. Until they come to me, what am I supposed to do? I know what I want, but it's out of my hands. I can't do anything about that but wait.
Don't get me wrong, I can take care of myself. I can make the rent, and be single, and be fine. But I want the good job and the hubby. Didn't realize before, but I know now.
So now I'm home, I just wanted to jot this all down before I forgot. One more audition to go to today, pray for me.

PS "The Bridge" is playing at the BendFilm Festival Oct 8th!

PPS Did this flier for a great one-woman show that's starting this week:
Did I mention I'm on a little coffee buzz? Manis, pedis, and popeyes soon with i-han.

"It's not that I didn't care, It's that I didn't know"

Runaway set pics

fell asleep with the pets on the couch

I was watching some footage of Avenue Q just now to brush up on the songs... The main character moves into this block in Manhattan and is constantly on the search for his purpose. In fact, even though he falls in love with this girl Kate, Princeton breaks up with her saying he needs to establish himself first. A slutty character gets in between them, but eventually they come back together in the end and he realizes his purpose on the way.
There's an asian character named Christmas Eve who has some great lines- and a song I really like called "The More You Ruv Someone" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xke58bj4JZE

"Runaway" behind the scenes pics...

“I believe in second chances!” he said. “You might have been a pain in the ass the last time around, but you can still start over again from home base. Next time you get a text from the one you love just text back ‘come over’ - no matter what happened in the past. If you really love someone, just tell them and be with them."
John Mayer, misquoted by the Huffington Post(but I like how it reads anyway)

Good Article: 8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live

Filmed "Runaway" this weekend! My great costar and crew were incredible and I was really happy working with everyone. The DP really impressed me (which is always a good sign) and I think the teaser trailer will be up in a few days.
"Struck at First Sight" screened tonight and I was super sad I couldnt go.
I am to prove, in time, that I'm a good candidate for relationshipcy, if you would just vote for me.
I'm thinking about sleeping in tomorrow, and sketching, and working, and being happy. Jill and I got a couch this week, so the apartment is even more easy to veg out in.

She was a drowning person: flailing, reaching for anything that might save her. Her life was an urgent desperate struggle to justify her life.
page 79 "Everything is Illuminated"