wanting

i keep coughing lately.
i wonder if you think about me.

Not that I put much stock into this, but I like how i'm described

Geminis born June 10 are on an endless roller coaster of highs and lows, which can amaze those who know them well. They are acutely aware of the expectations of others and may often go to great lengths to live up to them. Being at ease with who they are is a trait that they need to cultivate.

Gemini Information for June 10 You should embrace: Joy of living, moderation, quiet times You should avoid: Excesses, unwise love affairs, depression

Friends and Lovers

Because they are vulnerable and kind, these individuals often choose friends who are having trouble in their lives. They are somewhat successful in romance, though they are wildly romantic and a bit idealistic. Despite this, they make loyal and loving mates.

Children and Family

Whether from a big or a small family, June 10 people love all the traditions. They are involved, caring parents. They are conscious of the psychological needs of their youngsters and will work hard to meet those needs, creating an atmosphere of trust and friendship.

Health

These people are amazingly vital and active. They have a high energy level and never seem to run down. But only a part of their energy is physical; the rest is emotional -- they are high on life. They can eat almost anything and usually do, but their diet, fortunately, is varied enough to keep them healthy.

Career and Finances

June 10 individuals love to "perform," so they often gravitate to careers that put them in the spotlight. They have good math skills and may become successful accountants or engineers. Yet they are not as good at managing their own finances and usually look to their mate to handle the family's money.

Dreams and Goals

Although they seem secure with their self-image, June 10 people actually need to have their ego carefully nurtured. They have a great many goals and plans yet may not always feel as if they have what it takes to bring them about.

new headshots from today, thanks to jamiya wilson

disclaimer, pre-photoshop

People shouldnt ask me to care about them, when they all go away in the end.

"Do you even go to this school?" "I just have a lot of feelings" - mean girls

My mom was saying that as the first child I got a lot of love growing up. As soon as my dad came home from work he'd want to hold me, and walk with me, so that I couldnt sleep unless he stayed up all night walking around with me. So finally they got a battery-powered crib that would rock me.
She said I was so spoiled, that now I expect a lot of love, and even the smallest hurt, hurts me more. I've gotten okay with being alone over the years, but it's hard to quel my feelings sometimes.
Although I have plenty of love for myself, I wonder if I learned from infancy, a really unrealistic capacity for being loved.

signed,
emo and greedy andrea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGhy7gzJgDo
Audrey Kawaski.
This sweet little (i mean short) film I did back in college junior year got featured on serialoptimist.com. http://www.serialoptimist.com/fashion/a-short-film-the-animalmen-3925.html

I finally have my new printer/scanner set up!
I've been aching to put my new sketches and stuff on here.

On the subject of street art, I think it's selfish to think if (and we are) given beauty every day, that one shouldn't in every way try to give it back to the world somehow, and one of the clearest, most selfless ways is the anonymous claiming of surfaces by people who tag.

Constantly impressed: "It's like we're strangers, It's like you come from outer space"

We want something in common; me.

Someone stupid once told me they think life is easier for good looking people, or people who look of good character.

Also on the subject of street art, I think it's selfish to think if (and we are) given beauty every day, that one shouldn't in every way try to give it back to the world somehow, and one of the clearest, most selfless ways is the anonymous claiming of surfaces by people who tag.

I'm feeling frustrated and what good are journals or diaries or blogs unless you can vent, in fact I remember when I was young, I'd write when I was either
1. really upset and wanted to either get it out of my system, or
2. really happy and wanted to remember it and hold on to the feeling.
So this is one of those bad moments (I'd argue that most of the time when I write in here I'm happy) that I don't want to remember in a week's time.

I can't sleep and I'm seeing people who I used to audition with get parts that I went in for, seeing people less convicted than I in college get better design work, and people who were better than me, still looking for a job. Life is unfair, and as someone who always thought things worked out in the end, I'm wondering about this grand plan. I watched "Blue Valentine" last night, and was struck at the unfairness of love, and good intentions. If love doesn't change, and grow, you lose it (so why do we promise our friends and family that our love won't change).



I used to listen to this song and feel comforted and now I realize that if love doesn't change and mature as we do, it goes away (and therefore changes anyway). I love how Roger Ebert puts it in his his review of Blue Valentine:
"Dean seems stuck. He seems to stay fixed at the initial stage. Can you see the difference between (1) "He loves me as much as he always did," and (2) "He loves me exactly like he always did"?"
So I won't say I still love the same. I'd say that it's an ever-learning, stumbling along kind of love. And I'd like to not feel wronged about not getting love, or feeling unfairness directed at myself or those I care about. I've never been given more than I can take, or felt that my life wasn't worthwhile.

And while I might be whining about the unfairness of life, and feelings- as long as I keep stumbling along- I mean what choice do I have- I'll be fine.


Despite Chris Brown's latest news, I identify with this song because stumbling kind of is like crawling, and seems remorseful but determined.