i'll carry you. you'll carry me
that's how it could be.
don't you know me?
don't you know me by now?
(poet reciting to the protagonists in 'before sunrise')

Friday Hue came and stayed with me and we went to her old bosses fashion week event. Jenny's presentation of her first collection was saturday and I want her to do well so much http://notaligne.tumblr.com/ . Then sunday was 10 yrs since 9/11, just stayed in... Monday was work (I was quiet and tired) and then the Metal Mag fashion week party I always go to... now its basically tuesday and I should sleep before the long day...

I've had this recurring dream where all my old journals and diaries are all lost somehow, my parents move and lose them, a fire gets to them.... I guess that's one of the advantages to having this one since moving to NY... i can get it from any computer and no one knows about it really and besides when I die nothing's secret anymore. My worst fear is losing remembering who I am and whats happened.
I've been so dumb at times though. Everything I ever want careerwise boywise it's always shown in time.

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,

I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,

I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

(walt whitman)

ideas i have that you cant steal

ok? ok.
1. tip jars. i've been taking pictures of tip jars around the city that are hilarious... 'just the tip', 'support counter intelligence', etc... i'm thinking a little book called 'here's a tip' and it'd be a sort of comment on how to charmingly ask for $
2. a montage of little 2 minute iphone videos of my computer screen, i've been taking of the climactic realizations of different rom com's I watch, of people expounding how important love is. it'd be titled 'hence our ridiculous obsession with love'
3. the childrens book illusrations for a book shirley and i have been planning.
4. expanding on my thesis about peoples dreams, on the pages of my 'sleepless nights', and other doctorly books on sleep...
this is a note to self... and i hate when i get attached to ideas and then see them out in the world a year later and its not that well done.

Lelaina Pierce: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.
Troy Dyer: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.

from my favorite poet...
Trippers and askers surround me,
People I meet, the effect upon me of my early life or the ward and
city I live in, or the nation,
The latest dates, discoveries, inventions, societies, authors old and new,
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love...
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.

knuckles and the heart

I was just thinking about when I was young and my dad told me not to crack my knuckles ( you know when people bend their fingers back so it makes that cracking noice).. he said everytime you do, it feels good, but it's breaking muscles in your joints, so it has to grow back over the broken parts, so when people crack their knuckles too much, their joints become too big and deformed. I dont want to do that to my feelings, you know.. potentially crack and tear up my heart if i meet a nice boy, and it could hurt so much and I'm afraid my heart will be like that- overly deformed and big, making my hands look old before they're supposed too.

hurrican schmurricane

an earthquake, hurricane, and some little tornados all this week, who would've thought. camping out with the cat, with above supplies for the weekend.

The weekend was pretty crazy and in its fluctuations between stressful and nice and relaxing. friday i wanted to go out, but the rain was coming down really hard and I ended up staying in and having really good conversations in the apartment with a few drinks. I really want to get a copy of the codex seraphinianus and of the voyinch manuscripts. Woke up a little late, and walked through a street fair and tasted a really good $3 chili dog. Then that night i got to see one of my oldest and dear friends vivian, who's about to start harvard law, and was only in town for the evening. but things were really crowded, the bar and then club, and two girls with us passed out and were vomiting and two made out with each other, and it wasnt the best situation. plus girls get dramatic sometimes, friday and saturday night i ran into little moments where i had to just not be a part of it.

Someone asked me whats the one thing you like most about a guy.

I said when you find one that knows exactly what to say. not like smooth talking, but just knows what to say to you. or when to call.

The inside cover for my little journal.