know how to love. then who to love.

Princess and the Goblin by George McDonald. He also did a book called Lillith, 
________________
EVANGELION

Doll-Asuka: Are you lonely? Are you alone?

Asuka: No! [the Doll-Asuka disintegrates] Stay away from me! I'm going to live by my own!

Doll-Asuka: But do you love me?

Asuka: I won't rely on anyone!

Doll-Asuka: But do you really love me?

Asuka: I can live by my own!

Doll-Asuka: But you're lying.

"I can’t miss someone unless they let me miss them. There’s this behavioral science thing tied in with lab rat studies (aren’t all behavioral science things tied into studies of rats somehow?) that says that any reward becomes mundane when it is constant. If people won money every time they pulled the arm of a slot machine, they probably wouldn’t develop addictions to gambling. If you eat a gallon of ice cream every day for the entire summer, ice cream isn’t super delicious again until October. Yes, I am speaking from experience on that one. If your live-in girlfriend makes you coffee every morning, it becomes habitual and you stop appreciating it. If you metaphorically crawl so far up a partner’s butt that they never get any distance from you, they can’t miss you… and getting things you’ve had the chance to want is so very delightful."
i read stoya's blog.

"One day I'll find the right words, and they will be simple.” ― Jack Kerouac, The Dharma Bums

25th birthday. french roast.

 

Saturday I went to the hardware store and got some moving-in type tools & key covers. Then went to Time Warner to get a modem/router. Met up with Barry who I used to work with at 1stdibs. Talked about the future, etc. Discovered Crest Hardware. Met up with Bless in Union Square and we bought matching cachet sketchbooks lol. Really happy for how things are for her right now.

It's Sunday, the rain's pretty much gone. Goin grocery shopping for the first time since coming back (about time!) and finally enjoyin my wifi.

I got back Wednesday night. Nick was there to meet me.

Thursday it felt so good to get coffee and a bagel and walk around again. That feeling of just wandering through my neighborhood was the best. had an audition and filmed. Katy slept over.

Friday had job interviews and filmed an audition tape. Met Jenny at MoMa and saw the Claus Oldenburg exhibit of fake food and I watched part of 'Man to Man'. 

One of my favorite things is to go to the MoMa film screenings alone for some reason it's really soothing and there's no reception and its underground, you can just sort of faintly feel the rumble of the subway sometimes.

it's funny, i've cared SO MUCH about things in the past, but it all fades away in the end. Almost everything I've cared about really.

"you better be right and be last before you be wrong and be first boy" -the paperboy