all i want is for things not to fade. they always do, but i always hang on the longest.

i don't like using my brain lately, and am usually sad. but I work hard. like a country song. like a fat old man singing that he could deserve you.

you pay the most attention to yourself, because you're the only one who's always been there.

People are never who you think they're going to be to you. They go in and out of your life like shadows. I think the reason why people are so selfish and the protagonists of their own story... it's because you're the only person who's always there. If caring is hours logged with a person, it makes sense.

I watched Persona finally and oh man Elizabeth Vogler.
Also started watching Twin Peaks (from the wiki:)

When Donna questions what it would be like to fall in space, if one would slow down after a while or go faster and faster, Laura replies "Faster and faster. And for a long time you wouldn't feel anything. And then you'd burst into fire. And the angels wouldn't help you because they've all gone away."

I watched Persona finally and am comparing myself to Elizabeth Vogler.
Also strated watching Twin Peaks and want to see the movie. (from the wiki:)

When Donna questions what it would be like to fall in space, if one would slow down after a while or go faster and faster, Laura replies "Faster and faster. And for a long time you wouldn't feel anything. And then you'd burst into fire. And the angels wouldn't help you because they've all gone away."

"And then she left a couple of days later to go out of town, and I wrote "Colorblind" at home, thinking about how badly I wanted to be pulled out of myself by somebody. Thinking that maybe I was ready for something different now" -Adam Duritz

i wonder if i'll ever get it right.
bought a bike today, from a guy named angel.

bones, sweat, pus, cat litter. (things about being at home that i dont like. and when it gets warmer out these things become more apparent)

design job, auditioning, and now I'm taking over my friends bartending job at red egg on centre st. need more hours in the week. but then i'd probably do things with the extra days anyway so it's no use.

my brother's coming to town april 10-14 and I'm so excited.

now i didnt like lana del ray because the first time i saw her was on the awkward bad snl appearance she did. but i heard 'blue jeans' this morning. and i like.

Cause Ima ride or die
Whether you fail or fly

There were frozen chocolate banana slices for dessert today, on the table. I came upon one left on the plate, with my coworker jason right behind.
I said, "here, do you want the last one?"
He said "sure" and stuck out his hand
Very slowly, I picked it up, and almost gave it to him... and then licked it, so it was mine.
I apologized, it was all laughs, there was another bag in the fridge. but instinctively I think I might be a bully, if it weren't for having a conscience after.

planned obselescence

was a term we learned back in art school about companies in the U.S. like Apple who made products to intentionally degrade over time. quantity over quality, a company over the consumer's best interests, etc.
i was thinking of having it apply to more things in life though. like growing up. like the ending of adolescence.

the wise man knows he doesnt have all the answers.