When I was small and wore glasses all the time I used to wish I was pretty and didn't need them, people would like to look at me. It didn't matter that I was hardly in first grade or if I was really so ugly in my huge glasses, I just knew there had to be something more beautiful underneath. Because once or twice, when I was alone and my brother and sister weren't around, I'd squintily studied my face in the bathroom mirror for an inordinately long time, perhaps a little self indulgently, almost crying that people couldn't see the real me behind my glasses. That underneath I was alright. For some reason I kept thinking there was something wrong with me for wearing these shields over my eyes.

"This is possibly my favorite doorway in New York. I don't particularly like the way the number is done or the color, but it has a way of being modern without being obstrusive."
-Old man walking chihuaha's with wife outside my apartment this morning.

Little kids shoot marbles
Where the branches break the sun
Into graceful shafts of light...
I just want to be pure
-page 140 the basketball diaries

I was just trying to do my work just now, and this rascal decided to come out from sleeping behind my computer. I love her.














Also, I'm subletting my apartment for the summer: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/sub/1803469499.html

New site: andrea-chen.com

I was reading an article just now about a model who may have committed suicide today.. I guess partly because he's my age and I can identify with the frustration in the last quote, I just thought this was really tragic.
"Twenty-two-year old French model Tom Nicon was found dead in Milan this morning... Nicon reportedly fell from his apartment window...
Nicon's tragic passing is just the latest in a string of top model deaths over the past couple of years. An anonymous model said,
'People think we are young and beautiful and rich and happy. But we're not. We go to castings and the directors take one look at us and then we're dismissed. You spend your whole life wondering what's wrong with you. Why didn't I get that job? You're competing with your friends, you're away from your family. The pressure is huge. It's not the fairytale life people would expect.' " So sad.

Birthday pictures...

"Write it in a letter,
but the words don't come out right.
Trying to explain how nobody can do me like.
You don't understand how helpless I can get
Since the day that we met.
Oh can you feel it yet?"
('ready and waiting to fall' by mae)

Happy birthday to me!

I had so much fun tonight. Qi for dinner, got pad thai with duck. Then we went to Flannery's Pub down the street which is where we went for my 21st last year- so effing fun! Joseph did crazy magic tricks, a bag of trash was set on fire in the street while we were standing outside, we got crazy amounts of mcnuggets to eat at like 2AM. lol... and now I'm finally gonna pass out and sleep.
Yesterday (not my bday party but my actual bday) I went to an afro-boogy music concert in BK. Stayed up till like 4AM talking.
'my love's a revolver
do you wanna die happy'

"if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't play" -oliver chen

I'm learning, just learning
Learning how to live and bear the weight, push into the sky