I get a stab of panic when I see tribes in the jungle who have this whole other way of seeing the world than myself. I wonder how they view things and whether I have the proper grasp of what it is to be fully human, or have a complete life/ soul. Then I wonder if I'll ever get to long enough hours, see enough, and understand more than i've been given. Leave a record of what I see so it's considered important or worthwhile- and what'll happen to me afterwards.
My first morning in Maine when I was walking through the rain early in the morning, I came upon a man who hadnt shaved, was dressed like he seemed; out of his mind with grief or drugs, screaming "Jimmy, Jimmy". Moved and scared, I really wanted the right person to answer him.

Maine/ Edge of the world

I left Thursday morning, got into boston and met up with Vivian for lunch. We went to Penang, where my friends and I went for a prom dinner high school junior year, in chinatown, a few blocks from the bus station. Got into Maine around 6, a girl named Sophi picked me up in her truck. Met her dog Bella, the friendliest little thing. Stayed on her boat the first night, she was childhood best friends with kallie who was a viola major at high school. Got drinks down the street from the marina with her friend Kyle.
The next day i woke up really early and walked 2 miles in the rain, it smelt of grass and mulch. saw a Denny's sign in the distance near the hotel like a beacon of light to the southern or just the fat at heart. ate a short stack of bananaberry pancakes. Walked to the hotel, checked in 8 hours early, and did laundry, sat in the hot tub. Sophi called when she got out of work, we got coffee and went everywhere, the beach is the most important. Walked on the rocks and picked seashells like when I was a little girl on the same beach. We met up with Kyle and Tyler at a museum and saw some Degas. Then got drinks at the roof of the Eastland. Then went to Tylers and drank and ate well.
Today I woke up and hung out in the hotel. Had a sail around the harbor with Kyle and Sophi. Saw Tyler and the dogs for a bit. I want to learn more about this world, when it's later in the summer. Got tacos, then walked on the beach more. Been reading all evening. Back to New York tomorrow.

People will do things to make you love them, then ask you to forget http://instagr.am/p/J4zEKOL2qF/

going to the edge of the world. i can't decide if I'm losing my mind or finding it.

 I wrote this to a friend this morning

i was thinking about what u were saying about hipster guys who are all so lean and its not your body type (or mine apparently). and i thought of a country lyric that goes 'people think im into something bad for me... cuz i've sure lost a lot of weight'

http://nymag.com/news/features/john-friend-yoga-2012-4/
How does Friend redeem himself? “I don’t think John meant harm—he just made a series of bad choices,” says Elena Brower, an ex–Anusara teacher “He let a lot of secrets pile up, and as everyone who has done so knows, it will either kill you because everyone finds out, or it will kill you because no one finds out.

Shinbyeong or "Spirit Sickness"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_shamanism
Lately, I've been sitting on an old plan.
Take a bus to nowhere, go to the hotel near the beach where my parents used to take us when I was a child... take long baths, sit by the water, listen.

its really supposed to be "people who care matter. the people who don't matter, don't care." my brother was in town, pics soon.

the guy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Zhang_Bin
who did this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6Rc8idptUM