twenty four

excerpts from an email to a friend

i think i'm learning lately, the value of time. when i was a kid i always thought it was slipping away. after graduation i wanted all the dating and stuff i'd missed out on in college. like an unguided missile, is how my thesis teacher put it. now its been a few years. keeping a steady job and friends... vacations... no phone... gardening.. reading.. i just wanna give everything time and love. like these stupid plants in my window lol they wont grow faster just cuz i want them too. i bought miracle gro. but nature's still what it is.

I've been thinking on this memory. A friend brought me with her parents to climb Mt. Monadnock in New Hampshire. We ate the most delicious apricots in the car. When I think of a forest, I always think of that. I remember how amazing everything smelled, the mulch, the rain.
Emerson wrote:

“Monadnock is a mountain strong,
Tall and good my kind among;
But well I know, no mountain can,
Zion or Meru, measure with man.	85
For it is on zodiacs writ,
Adamant is soft to wit:
And when the greater comes again
With my secret in his brain,
I shall pass, as glides my shadow	90
Daily over hill and meadow.

For a 1stdibs.com editorial next week. I think it's cool that my design job wanted a photo, and i got to wear the hoodie my mom gave me. Last month I wore her old purse to Tribeca Film Fest. lol. this photo looks like a painting I did for someone once.

Now its Saturday night. I keep watching this on repeat, even though it was just released tonight. Kind of creates its own world that isnt just black or white or thai or indian... (or chinese)

Haven't been online or on my phone recently. Hence the less posting on here. My computer broke (water on the keyboard again) and my iphone and replacement droid razr both got lost within weeks of each incident. So my new (third phone of the month) comes in soon.
It's been nice having forced distance between myself and the world that isn't directly in front of me. I spend so much time in my head already, while trying to stay present interacting with people immediately, that also trying to anxiously update an online presence (not just on here but potentially on facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, etc) just doesn't seem like a good thing lately.
So I've been really just walking a lot, working at 1st dibs, wanting to act more, bartending. I have some ideas of how I'd like this summer to go.
I turn 24 in a few weeks. june 10 at 8:00 at the same restaurant (french roast) across the street, that i always do it at. Hopefully the people I want will show.
Shirley said last year, that the people that should be there, will be there.
Also I've added to my windowsill garden. There's also a jalapeno pepper plant, and two tomato plants now.

http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/69301813.html

In the face of life's incompleteness, do we elevate or destroy ourselves.

Its always alright in the end. If its not alright, its not the end.
(The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel)
Reading tenessee williams' "desire and the black masseur" tonight. Took a pic of a really good excerpt:
http://instagr.am/p/K6FhhVr2q2/

Eating Fish lately

Yesterday I was wandering around Chinatown and of course ended up at Red Egg and was charged what I wanted to be charged for some fish bok choy and rice. familiar. good food and people. i like being a bartender.
Today I got halal food with three types of rice (yeggie, yellow, and basmati), fish and chicken.

Sometimes I think growing up is just being more okay with things not working the way you want all the time.
When I was younger I would get so blindingly, terribly frustrated when things weren't right. Even now, the only times I get angry are when i feel injustice or that I need to vent righteous anger somehow. But I learn that the calm one always wins. And that being numb, and quiet, you notice the activity and noise of the world more. It's sad to lose your natural instinct though. I can't decide which is better.
In the bible we were taught, be as innocent as doves and as cunning as snakes.