I havent had pinkberry in a really long time, but it was delicious. Was stressing all week about things I cant control. I feel so much calmer right now thanks to some caring words and frozen yogurt. Shirley said tonight, that I need to regain the power I used to have as a woman. and I've resolved too. I said I wouldnt get serious with anyone this past year, and I haven't. This coming year I'm going to be by myself even more; remember who I was back in high school, thinking I was hot shit all the time, getting guys hung up on me without ever giving more than a hug. I was also told I will realize who my soulmate is, and that I might already know him. we'll see. I'd like someone I can trust, but I need to question first if his primary concerns are similar to mine.

I wrote this earlier this week:
All I want to do is Photoshop pretty things or audition, come home cook watch an episode of something and sleep with the cat curled around my head. I've become so tired of people lately. I can count on one hand, those in my life I can trust other than my family. Guys just want to sleep with you, girls just want to compete with you.
And since I can't be with the guy I want? Focus on me and my career I guess the part of it I can control. Lying in bed right now dreaming of sitting at urth in west hollywood again wanting more time away from this city of tough broken people. Ironic that I'd wish for another city known for shallow entertainment obsessed people who also all want to use each other. I could really just use a person to understand me again and want nothing more than to know there were two like us in the world that i could count on.
I don't want to date, dont want to girltalk or dish or vent to anyone... Just want to curl up inside myself and not hurt ever again.
I love for too long and never learned to pick the right people to be around. I left home and learned the hard way.
For someone who's supposed to be as smart as my brother, I'm waiting to see if I learn from life what I should while living right and retaining some sort of heart. And I'm scared that I care too much and work too hard... for what?