"Maybe it's not about growing balls but about growing roots" -Aurora W.

I've always seemed a little sad to people throughout my life. Because I know it doesn't last, it all fades and I try to hold on because it meant something to me, but people aren't like that. The things I've liked and wanted to hold I never really had. And the people who loved me most can't be my friends sometimes. Because it was too much to forget. And in that sense it's one of the only indications that it wasn't a dream. I never knew when I was young, what a loaded silence is. That two people who avoid looking at each other on the street might have more between them than other's who hug and want to catch up. There are lives lived that we don't talk about. Anyone who says nothing's wrong just isn't confiding in you.

I just want the things I love, all I have to give, seen, and appreciated. I think to work with someone like me would make me feel so lucky- when I care about my job and am getting paid right- I don't think there's anyone who would do more or better. But it's like back in high school how as soon as I lost respect for a teacher or saw something I didn't like in a friend, I could find no way to want to be anything like them, and turned away.

I wanted to perform, draw, to be in love with someone really beautiful inside and out. I still want that. To explore with them, share our families and friends. A man is invisible if no one else sees him. M remembers me like a past life. When I'm with him I feel like I could be redeemed somehow. I want him to want to see me.
I've always been told I had all this potential. But really. What is a life of potential, a month away from being 26, if it's not acknowledged the way I hope.

I found this video I made two years ago as some sort of weird self inflicted art project I didn't show anyone. From a time when I'd film scenes I liked on my iPhone. Anyway. Some thoughts on love from the movies:

Every Romantic Scene I like from the Movies from andrea chen on Vimeo.