an honest vent about working on myself.

I've gone through so much shit in the past couple months, no the last 4 years of my life really. since I came to New York I've had my heart shit on, led on, broken, sewn up, and forgotten. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm grateful that I can be living here and being a grown up and feeling these things... how do you know to be truly happy and appreciate your life unless you've really been hurt and gone through some stuff?
It's hard.. sometimes I think I try to mask my pain through other people, activities, and stuff, to try and make it easier... but I don't want to have to depend on that, put my pain onto other people. I want to be strong and independent, and when I'm ready, be fair and honest with everyone around me, so that no one can say I treated them wrong. I want to be happy and care about people, and not put too much of a burden on them...
It's so shitty being alone sometimes so that all you hear is yourself thinking. But that thinking is me actually processing all the stuff that's been happening to me, so maybe I need to listen.
Pray for me.
I've been screwed out of money by so many people, lost my apartment, my boyfriend, my job- everything. But all I can do is my best right? and then there's just God. And I haven't encountered anything yet that was too hard to handle.

"Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'Cause it's no good

Gonna to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above "
-depeche mode "it's no good"

Wig day at ricky's...

"Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconciously give other people permission to do the same." -Nelson Mandela's inaugural speech.

"When one door closes another opens. But often we look so long so regretfully at the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us." -Helen Keller (ironic? because she can't see ohhh.. i'm awful)

love and some verses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLCAqyW56m0

'questioning every move until you no longer bruise'

For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

"The Bridge" Screenings

feelin happy and proud of this short film we did a while back... it just won an award at Athens Film Festival, and recently screened at Beijing International Film Festival. It's now gonna be an official selection at the Sao Paolo International Short Film Festival & Nevada City Film Festival in CA! Join the directors fb page: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110119584250&ref=ts

Genius Child

---

This is a song for the genius child.

Sing it softly, for the song is wild.
Sing it softly as ever you can -
Lest the song get out of hand.

Nobody loves a genius child.

Can you love an eagle,
Tame or wild?
Can you love an eagle,
Wild or tame?
Can you love a monster
Of frightening name?

Nobody loves a genius child.

Kill him - and let his soul run wild.

(Langston Hughes)

Looking forward to the Basquiat documentary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXjR-y0WH-I

everybody knows it hurts to grow up
the years go by and we're still fighting it
you're so much like me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqPwR39VMh0

I just finished filming part of my small role as one of Seeta's friends in Love, Lies, and Seeta.
It was my first time working with an indian production... the food, costumes- everything was really nice and different than what I'm used too.


























I also got footage back from the US Army Industrial recently. Click to enlarge.

"it's not what you go through in life, it's how you deal with it"

"live ur life
be happy
whatever other ppl think
it's their own issues
u cant control it
so lets not be upset over the bad things they say"
-the always wise kitty mok