an honest vent about working on myself.

I've gone through so much shit in the past couple months, no the last 4 years of my life really. since I came to New York I've had my heart shit on, led on, broken, sewn up, and forgotten. I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I'm grateful that I can be living here and being a grown up and feeling these things... how do you know to be truly happy and appreciate your life unless you've really been hurt and gone through some stuff?
It's hard.. sometimes I think I try to mask my pain through other people, activities, and stuff, to try and make it easier... but I don't want to have to depend on that, put my pain onto other people. I want to be strong and independent, and when I'm ready, be fair and honest with everyone around me, so that no one can say I treated them wrong. I want to be happy and care about people, and not put too much of a burden on them...
It's so shitty being alone sometimes so that all you hear is yourself thinking. But that thinking is me actually processing all the stuff that's been happening to me, so maybe I need to listen.
Pray for me.
I've been screwed out of money by so many people, lost my apartment, my boyfriend, my job- everything. But all I can do is my best right? and then there's just God. And I haven't encountered anything yet that was too hard to handle.