The weekend was pretty crazy and in its fluctuations between stressful and nice and relaxing. friday i wanted to go out, but the rain was coming down really hard and I ended up staying in and having really good conversations in the apartment with a few drinks. I really want to get a copy of the codex seraphinianus and of the voyinch manuscripts. Woke up a little late, and walked through a street fair and tasted a really good $3 chili dog. Then that night i got to see one of my oldest and dear friends vivian, who's about to start harvard law, and was only in town for the evening. but things were really crowded, the bar and then club, and two girls with us passed out and were vomiting and two made out with each other, and it wasnt the best situation. plus girls get dramatic sometimes, friday and saturday night i ran into little moments where i had to just not be a part of it.

Someone asked me whats the one thing you like most about a guy.

I said when you find one that knows exactly what to say. not like smooth talking, but just knows what to say to you. or when to call.

The inside cover for my little journal.

this week in pictures

bbq
booty paddington chen

messing around on the chevron print ad shoot

charlie moms with the girl next door

I made this! finally! for the bathroom. from a david bray print

little postcards i made this morning

this week in pictures

I've been daydreaming of traveling, and trying to save money. Got my horoscope read to me (which of course is like a fortune cookie, just fun), and want to do what it said - advances in my career this year and meet new people in those opportunities. ooohohh

I like this song, wanna live that way, slow. learn not to rush things, and have the next relationship be because i fell in love with my best friend

Been hanging out more with my old boarding school friends this summer... Work exhausts me still some days, but I like being able to move my hands like magic over the tablet, using Photoshop like a winner.
Learning to be cautious but want so much.

I really like this http://www.medicinalpen.com/dreamlogs.html

I'm not going to lie, I love Wendy Williams- girl is smart. One thing she says in the below video is that in a marriage, she believes it might not last forever, but you ride until the wheels fall off- you give it four chances, like the wheels, to fix it and get back together before calling it quits. Four?


So I have one of my own that I've said for a while and I'll just say mine to go along with this- I want to be like Goldilocks, first relationship was too hot, second too cold, the third one I want to be perfect, and I think that's why I've been so picky this past year.

Also I'm doing this

She said nothing


Since Saturday I've been feeling like life is so short and passing by every moment that could be significant.
This song made me sad, wanting someone so much but wondering and feeling silence on the other end. love is the right timing.

coney island today

What it This Really is All There Is

(life just has to matter)
I'm not trying to sound heretical or prophetilizing, but was gripped for a moment tonight by a sudden awareness of our collective mortality. Tonight I went to see "God's Fool" at 59 E 59th st, and was really moved by the story of St Francis Assisi. Religious subject matter as a rule can either really scare and upset me, or comfort. Around halfway through, when St Francis meets the Sultan of Egypt, I wondered loudly in my head, what if when we die, something grey and strange and possibly fulfilling happens- is our old life discounted, or really gone? How is the most important thing- living, so quick? I forget days that have only recently happened, and as I grow older, things seem to move faster, and I can barely keep track, but for documenting in diaries and this blog, and through painting and sketching, the progress of life as it continues. When singing, it's the desperate cry to impact listening ears. When acting, to burn ones visage through different stories, into the viewers visual concious. But when I go what if it wasn't enough- isn't that everyone's worst fear? What if I'm forgotten and it was all for nothing, and it was like I never existed. As someone who was raised Christian, I hold onto the belief that no matter what, people must matter and our lives are filled with love no matter what- and that even if cut short, something continues on. But, I was scared tonight. Shirley said I should try and make my life matter. I said, matter to who? Other people? and I think she said yes. I want so much to believe that no matter what, there's something to look forward too, and nothings wasted. And logically to me, it makes sense to believe what could turn out to be nothing, just in case there is something- than to immediately write off what could be. However- while believing that there must be hope, I would very much like this life to not feel cut short at the end someday.